It’s Valentine’s Day this week, so in the spirit of cynicism, we’re turning to Paul Simon’s song Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.

Of course, he only mentions five ways in the song. So we’re going to help him get to 50.

Get on a ferry, Barry

Do what you gotta do, Sue

Sneak off like a thief, Chief

Fake your own death, Beth

Have an honest conversation to see if you can resolve your differences, and if you can’t, split up amicably like mature adults, Schultz

Come up with a rhyming way to breakup, preferably using the name of someone on your team for a bonus point.

Have an interesting week.